Torture Comes in All Shapes and Sizes
by TornAngelWings
Summary: “The white one is Dumbapple. She’s very sweet, but watch out for Tonberry, he’ll try to shank you with his claws.” “Ouch! Grr, stupid cat! Genesis’s cat already tried to nom on my face!” Even SOLDIERs' cats are dangerous.


Genesis could be a bit…irrational at times, or at least impulsive. Never did Angeal or Sephiroth expect him to bring home _that, _though.

"I found them abandoned in the slums and I had to take them in." He replied when Sephiroth bluntly questioned his sanity. Angeal tried to talk him out of it, but he would not comply. "Look at them 'Geal! How could you abandon those cute little faces? Besides, you have a pet, I can have one too."

"Zack isn't really a puppy, Genesis. He can feed and look after himself. These need food and attention." Angeal awkwardly pointed to the cardboard box. "This has happened before. You bought yourself a hamster and then two days later gave it to me for 'safekeeping'."

"You know how my mother felt about rodents." He spat. "That wasn't my fault. I gave Martin to you because I knew you'd take good care of him! I was being _responsible_."

"Gen…" Angeal was interrupted by a crack of lightning and the rolling of thunder.

"See, it's a sign! You wouldn't want to leave these little angels out in the storm to die!"

Angeal sighed, massaged the bridge of his nose, and then agreed that _they _could stay at least for tonight. Sephiroth glared at the drooping box then walked out of the room.

Angeal opened the drapes to take another look at the weather conditions. "Zack will probably get delayed because of this storm." He muttered more to himself then Genesis, who was currently fawning over the little creatures in the box.

"I'm going to name you…" Genesis pointed at one of them after pushing his hair out of his face.

"No naming them Genesis. They are just staying for to-" he broke off when the red-clad man shoved one in his face. Angeal had to admit they were pretty darling. Not that he would ever voice that opinion, but apparently the look on his face was enough to cause a smug smirk to cross his friend's lips. "Sephiroth doesn't want them…" he protested weakly.

"Sephiroth has never held one, friend." The smirk on Genesis's face was dangerous.

x---

Sephiroth sat at the computer, clicking away on the keyboard. With any luck he'd have that pesky report finished before dinner was ready. Five hundred casualties….only four civilian….ball of fluff on his lap…Second Class Kunsel settled down the mob…ball of fluff moving…Holy Shiva! A ball of fluff was on his lap, peering up at him with humungous green eyes. Sephiroth glanced around, panicking, but Genesis was already in the other room.

Sephiroth glared down at the fluff mass full-force. It blinked at him innocently. He tried glaring harder. It sneezed. Glare. Blink. Glare. Sneeze. Glare. Blink. Look. Blink. Look. Sneeze. Blink. Blink. Blink. Nya. Sephiroth cracked a microscopic smile and touching its ears with the tips of his fingers. It nuzzled his fingers and purred, completely tilting its head back to blink at the General. His smile grew a teeny bit. But that was enough to summon Genesis back into the room. "So…can we keep 'em?"

x---

"Ok, there are six, so we each get to name two. The auburn and cream colored ones are mine. 'Geal, you can have the white one and the multicolored one. Seph, you get the grey fluffy one and the black one."

x---

Zack Fair strolled into Shinra Headquarters bright and early the next morning. His mission was great! Costa del Sol was lovely this time of the year, plenty of cute girls sunbathing at all times of the day. It was ever better because his helicopter ride was delayed due to horrid weather conditions, so he and Reno got to spend some extra time with the beach bunnies.

His day was just going awesome for him. He got to ride in the elevator with that cute secretary that works at the front desk, he got a bonus for excellent work, Kunsel invited him to a party; today was just great!

He was whistling by the time he reached the apartment he shared with Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth. He was sure they'd still be there; it was a few more hours before they had to clock in.

"Good morning every-Ahh! Getitoff! Gerroff!" He had been minding his own business. He just walks in the door and something flies at his face! What was this world coming to?! Finally he tugged the monster off his face. It was a…red kitten. A hissing, angry kitten that had somehow catapulted (pun!) itself into his face and had tried to eat him.

"Oh its just you, Fair. Put my cat down, he doesn't like to be manhandled." Genesis sneered.

"Yours?! This…this…hell cat is yours?! I just walk in and he tries to destroy my face!"

"I hardly believe Firaga just attacked you. He must have had a reason." Genesis snatched the tom cat with the blazing pelt away from Zack. "Isn't that right?" The kitten mewed in response.

"…you named him Firaga?"

"Firaga is a perfectly acceptable name." Genesis put his nose in the air. "Now where is…there you are! Minerva, stop eating the rug. Young female kitties should not eat rugs." He chided, picking up a cream-colored she-cat with pale green eyes. She looked into Firaga's azure eyes and nya-ed softly. "Come on you two, you can play in my room, since the Puppy is home." Genesis glared at Zack before whisking his kitties away.

"Angeal…since when does Genesis have ca-whoa!" Zack gaped at Angeal, who was cooking at the stove. Sitting on the counter next to him was two cats; one snow-white with lilac eyes and the other mottled with pale yellow eyes. "You have some too?!"

Angeal nodded as Zack approached, reaching out to pet them. "The white one is Dumbapple. She's very sweet, but watch out for Tonberry, he'll try to shank you with his claws." Zack was warned too late, Tonberry had already scratched his hand.

"Ouch! Grr, stupid cat! Genesis's cat already tried to nom on my face!"Angeal only chuckled. "Breakfast will be ready soon. Go dump off your luggage in your room."

"Ok!" Zack brightened up at the word 'breakfast'. If he had a tail, he'd be wagging it, Angeal thought absent mindedly.

On his way to his room, whistling once again, the Puppy came across Sephiroth who had two kittens in his arms. "Not you too, Seph!" Zack whined. Sephiroth only raised a silver eyebrow.

"…What are their names…?" Zack asked reluctantly reaching out to stroke their fur. The black cat with the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen shied away from his touch. The grey tom with the florescent green eyes was unresponsive.

"Soldier is the female, Masamune is the male." He replied, awkwardly stroking Soldier's ears.

"Are yours psychotic too?"

"Masamune is bipolar." Sephiroth deadpanned.

"…and Soldier?"

"Shy."

"Hmm. I see." Zack then continued on his way to his room. He started whistling again, that cheery elevator music really got stuck in your head. Especially after riding in it all the way to the First Class Suite on the very top floor. Right when he was getting to the good part, he opened his door. That was a mistake. Zackary should've noticed the signs that something was going to be wrong. But no, he did not expect to see his pillows ripped to shreds, a little flash of red standing in the middle of all the floating feathers.

"…Crap." He cautiously strolled over to the kitten, slowly bending down to snatch it up. But Firaga was faster. He bolted in between Zack's legs and rolled literally out the door. Zack chased him in vain. The devious little kitten took a flying leap and landed in a heap on Genesis's lap. Genesis chuckled and petted the cat and Firaga purred. Zack swore that cat smirked at him.

Throwing his hands into the air in defeat, Zack returned to his room to clean up the mess. Minerva was in the midst of the feathers now, chewing on his prized plush Chocobo he won at the Gold Saucer. "No! Fredrick!" He drove for it, snatching it away. The kitten paused then let out a painful screech. Zack's eyes widened as he tried to shush the kitten before she alerted her master. "Hush little kitten, don't mew a word, Uncle Zack will buy you another chewy bird…" but his whisper-singing was in vain. She wailed louder.

"ZACKARY FAIR, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO UPSET MY ANGEL?!" Genesis bellowed, marching in, practically ripping the door from its hinges.

"Nothing I swear! She was chewing on my Chocobo and I took it away _gently _and she freaked out!!" Zack said this all with very dramatic hand movements.

"She is teething, Zack. She needs to chew on things. It's your fault for having it in her reach."

"It was on the top shelf of the bookcase that touches the _ceiling_!" Zack whined.

Genesis shrugged, nurturing his kitten and taking her into the other room to find something else to chew on.

Zack rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. Genesis would keep his cats out of his way now, so everything would be fine. Everything would be fine.

x---

Ah, perfect! Not a meow or a glimpse of a tail since this morning, Zack thought, putting his feet up on the coffee table and leaning back. Time to watch some mind-numbing television. He reached his hand down to grab the remote and SHINK! Tonberry leapt out and attempted to shank his hand. His claws made contact with skin under the leather glove. "Get off!" Zack flailed around, but the little cat hung on, mewing just as loudly as Zack yelled. Angeal came in and grabbed Zack's hand and tugged off Tonberry. "No Tonberry, it isn't polite to shank people. No."

x---

Zack snuck into the living room. The cats were in the bedrooms, so he'd be safe. The only ones roaming about were Sephiroth's. Speaking of Sephiroth's cats, they strolled in right at that time and bounced up onto the couch next to Zack. They sat down quietly and observed the TV with mild interest for a while. Zack was sucked into the movie, so he didn't notice the "expression" that crossed Masamune's face. With a battle cry-or meow in this case- Masamune launched himself at Zack's exposed arm. "Arg!" Zack clutched his arm and glared at the cat. "Go away! Shoo!" The grey cat puffed up his tail and stormed off like he was angry.

"Geesh, demon cats everywhere…" Zack glanced suspiciously at the remaining she-cat. Soldier blinked and him and leaned over to lick his arm. "Aww! You sweet little girl…Ouch! I swear to the Goddess all of you are evil!" He narrowed his eyes at the innocent-looking female who had just bit a pretty good-sized chunk out of his arm. "I see how it is. See if I feed you under the table!" But she only flicked her tail at him and padded after Masamune.

x---

Zack was paranoid. Everywhere he went those plotting kitties would show up. Everywhere! He tried to go to the bathroom and Tonberry snuck in and hurled himself at Zack's leg! The Puppy was about fed up with these felines. He dug through the cabinets, looking for a snack.

At first he didn't hear it. Then his mako-improved ears picked up on a tiny little nya. Dumbapple was sitting on the counter, blinking at him. "Oh nuh-huh, I'm not falling for those innocent little eyes again! I am not petting you." Zack pointed accusingly at the tiny white cat. She yawned and flicked her ears. He ignored her. She'll go away if you just ignore her, Zack. But after ten minutes of doing so, he heard another tiny nya.

Zack exploded. "Good Gaia you cats are good! But you won't get to me, oh no you won't! This is war! You hear me, war!" He backed away, not hearing the cats assembling behind him. He put his hand on the counter, feeling for the spray bottle Genesis always squirted him with.

He touched a tail. "Oh no…" his eyes widened and he whirled around. All six of them were around him in a circle, level with his face. He had walked right into their ambush. "I-I was just teasing, kitties. I love you all so much…and it's not war…"he gulped. He reached for the squirt bottle he spotted out of the corner of his eye, but Tonberry blocked his path with his sharp claws. "…Nice kitties…?" He swallowed, backing up. Firaga did that little smirking thing and uttered a simple "nya" and all of them sprang. The last thing Zack saw was six sets of claws and six different fur colors.

x---

It had been a week since the catastrophe (pun!), as Angeal had called it. The three First Class SOLDIERs had wandered into the kitchen to see Zack scratched up unconscious on the floor, their kittens munching on some cat nip from a bag Sephiroth had strategically hidden. The cats were still there. Oh yes, they didn't let Zack forget that he was a guest in their domain. Tonberry still would try to shank him, Firaga would randomly attack him, and recently Dumbapple had taken to stealing his materia and hiding it in hard-to-get-places. But his relationship with the cats was more improved. They no longer followed him into the bathroom and they didn't attack him in the kitchen.

Zack was in the elevator with the pretty secretary again, coming home from a mission in Modeoheim. He recently found out she was the president of his fan club, which was interesting. She was quizzing him on his likes and dislikes.

"Mr. Zack, Cats or Dogs?" She fluttered her faux eyelashes and puckered her pink sparkly lips. She pushed her chocolate-highlight hair over her shoulder again and smiled largely when he responded.

"Dogs. Defiantly dogs."

**Random inspiration after reading Jeanesis's story "Additions". Go check it out. :) Well, Firaga, go ahead and do the disclaimer.**

**Firaga: Mew meow meow meow mew mew mew mrrow puuuuurrrr puuuurrr meow mew nya meow meow nya. (TornAngelWings doesn't own the Final Fantasy francise, but she does own us kitties, we were born in her imagination and were abandoned in the slums for Genesis to find.)**


End file.
